hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
