my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Rumble strips road head = magical
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
