She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
