Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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