coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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