I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
