Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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