If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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