This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Terrible idea I love it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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