he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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