You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
