oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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