Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
