Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
