So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
