Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
