It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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