margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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