i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my poor anus
Everclear isn't food dammit
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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