Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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