why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
