SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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