Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
