so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
