you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
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yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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