Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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