Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
