she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
