Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
