I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
