After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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