WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
