My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
