while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
