you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
