After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
