hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
