I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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