It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
