According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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