I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
