im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
