I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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