His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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