Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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