My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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