I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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