Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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