based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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