We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
