is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dear god my vagina.
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