i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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