you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
