i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
