I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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