even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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