What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
