My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Randomize
