I wish my penis had an off switch
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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