i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
