Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
