If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
